Cross-posted at JesusLovesBags.com
You know what kills me? When people put up political talk on Facebook. Seriously, what makes you think I’m interested in your political views? Here’s a clue. I’m NOT. I don’t care if you’re the goddamned President of the Fucking Universe, I don’t want to hear about your politics on Facebook. Go hold a rally somewhere in he middle of central bumblefuck with all your glossy-eyed acolytes and get your rocks off.
But not on Facebook. (more…)
A little hobby that Mitt Romney picked up about 8 years ago has abruptly come to an end. Like a man who spent nearly a decade of his life trying to build a ship in a bottle to only have it collapse at the very last moment, Mitt Romney has suddenly found out that his hobby that he picked up years ago has been crushed. After spending millions of his and other people’s dollars, the millionaire venture capitalist will need to find something actually useful to do with his time. Maybe raking the leaves in his summer home in Massachusetts, or simply writing another book on the beach of his winter home in California. Either way, while he concedes that it is difficult to give up on a hobby that has taken up nearly 1/5 of his life, he’s probably just looking forward to taking it easy, sitting by the pool, collecting million dollar checks that he pays no taxes on. All and all, it was a good run. But, I’m sure he’ll get by with his meager earnings. Maybe he’ll buy a country to rule over instead.
Suggested Musical Accompaniment: White Horse by Laid Back
In 1843, Joseph Smith, the dude behind Mormonism, said
You will see the Constitution of the United States almost destroyed. It will hang like a thread as fine as a silk fiber….It will be preserved and saved by the efforts of the White Horse and by the Red Horse who will combine in its defense.
Look at My Horse
In 95, when they took over congress, the Republicans introduced a bill to drive a tank down Sesame Street and kill the fuck out of everyone from Big Bird to Elmo. Now, they are trying to do it again. So, why do Republicans hate Sesame Street so much?
While I spend every September 11th being reminded that I shouldn’t forget September 11th, I usually spend September 12th thinking about something else. But while we’re still here – September 11th that is – we should make sure that we make this a September 11th to remember!
There was a time that voting for a Catholic for president was considered controversial. And, coming in November, Right Wing Christian Conservatives – Or “Ri-Wi-Chri-Cons” as I like to call them – will be forced to vote for a Mormon. There is very little more in this world that brings me more glee than to see Ri-Wi-Chri-Cons forced to vote for a dude that believes that, if we all work hard enough, we can all become gods. But, now it comes down the wire that there is a little cherry to top this delicious religious wing-nut sundae.
Paul Fucking Ryan!
Suggested Musical Accompaniment: Particle Man by They Might Be Giants
“I’m gonna beat you so bad that your momma’s gonna feel me for the next ten birthdays,” Tommy Costello called out before kicking my twelve-year old ass all over the baseball diamond. Although, I was more concerned with not pissing myself in between punches, I still had enough sense to know that no matter how hard he hit me, my momma wasn’t going to feel a thing.
…But my kids might.
I am fat and disgusting. Sorry, that’s redundant. Fat is disgusting. It’s horrible. It’s the single most horrible thing a person could be. There is noting as depraved, as immoral as being fat. It’s amazing that people tolerate my walking the street. It’s a wonder no one throws acid in my face as they see me emerge from a McDonald’s.
Delicious!
I am almost, but not entirely, convinced that Mitt Romney may or may not have been, at some point, or currently is a secret baby eater. The presumptive Republican nominee for president, not as far as he knows but heretofore many have speculated, could’ve possibly been seen in the presence of cannibals. But there is overwhelming evidence that he could or could not possibly be secretly involved in a super secret society of baby cannibals.
My gun never ruined a midnight movie première.
I’m not saying Fred Willard is grateful. Some crazy douche bag shot up a movie theater. But it certainly didn’t hurt him.
Atheist Hobos 