Alex Jones is the King of All Crackpots

I first heard about Alex Jones during one of my first breaks home from college, catching up with a friend from high school. He went to college in Meadville, PA, at the same school which after one semester drove Trent Reznor into the happening nightlife of Cleveland and probably fueled his angst-based career for the next 20 years.

So there wasn’t much to do in Meadville. One thing to do was drive around delivering pizzas to townies while listening to the Alex Jones radio show. That’s what my friend did. This was in the days before iPods, so unless you wanted to drag around your CD collection and risk it getting stolen by Alex Jones fans for crystal meth money, radio was your only option.

So we would get stoned and laugh at the crazy man yelling about the global “elite” in his documentaries. It’d be fun to pick apart the fact from fiction and to try to identify the point where reasonable concerns about government waste turned into the fever-dream rants of a paranoid lunatic. So yeah, the drug war is bullshit, but it’s not part of a UN plot to end American sovereignty.

5 Ways 9/11 Truthers Are Like Creationists

On the Origin of Conspiracy Theories By Means of Natural Stupidity

Happy 9/11 anniversary everyone! This year is going to be extra special because we have ten fingers and we’ve set up our numerical system based on that arbitrary amount. The news media is going to capitalize on this hard: Fox News has a special on it about how George W. Bush killed Osama bin Laden on September 12 with only night-vision goggles and a sword. MSNBC has one about how we antagonized the Muslim world by locking up “suspected terrorists” indefinitely without charges and invading a few Middle Eastern countries. And the most outrageous of the tragedy opportunists are planning a march in Manhattan to mark the 10 year anniversary of everyone’s favorite act of mass murder.

Troofers Get Serious, Like srsly

Carl Carlson, killed when terrorists flew planes into the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant on 9/11.

For the 10th anniversary of 9/11, “truthers” have finally performed repeated experiments, written them up, and submitted their reports to peer review. They will be published in a credible scientific journal.

No, I kid. They made a comic book. From the USA Today:

More 9/11 “Truth” News

The full NYC Chapter of 9/11″Truth” meets with its Boston Chapter.

Every time I think the 9/11 troofer business has died out, within a few months another crazy news story comes out which breathes new, paranoid life into it. This time we have two.

First of all, one of the “Loose Change” filmmakers has been arrested for selling heroin. Obviously this has set off somespeculation that the arrest itself was yet another “inside job.” That makes sense though: The Bush Administration came to power and had 9/11 set up within 8 months, but it takes the Oneonta Police Department about six years to plant drugs on someone. And with crowds like this about to overthrow the US government, we needeven more reasons to distrust 9/11 troofers now more than ever.

The Simpsons Decide Not to Set Off Nukes Inside US

So now we can add the writers for the Simpsons to the seemingly endless list of people the 9/11 troofers believe were involved in the implausibly large conspiracy. The NY Observer is reporting on some blog post by a conspiracy theorist who believes that the sort of recent episode about Springfield adopting Big Brother-y surveillance policies hinted at a “false flag” nuclear attack which was supposed to take place last weekend.

What *really* happened on United 93

One of the many, many problems 9/11 “truthers” have besides hilarious infighting over money and a lack of critical thinking skills is in what happened to the passengers of United Airlines Flight 93. According to the “official story” (aka reality), some passengers overpowered the highjackers and forced the plane to crash in Shanksville, PA rather than allow themselves to be used in a suicide attack on either the White House or the US Capitol building.

We Are Embezzling Your Donations For College Money

We Are Change is this group of 9/11 “truthers.” I’m not very inclined to say nice things about people with beliefs like that, but to their credit elements within this organization are calling bullshiton their leader, Luke Rudkowski of WAC-NY. It turns out that Luke was embezzling donations to the organization in order to pay for his tuition at Brooklyn College, which as the whistleblowers point out, “IS NOT WE ARE CHANGE BUSINESS!”

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Did 9/11

I’m starting my own 9/11 conspiracy theory.

It all started when I just read about new aerial pictures NIST released of the terrorist attacks. Here is one of them: