Man Plays God and Wins…Again

In another startling instance of human beings doing a better job than god at creating stuff, Scientists at the might have unexpectedly created a new form of matter inside the Large Hadron Collider.

God vs. “The God Particle”

Pictured: God’s Colonoscopy

When Leon M. Lederman gave the theoretical Higgs Boson the nickname “The God Particle,” it was simply to illustrate its importance to science, even if it was slightly tongue in cheek. The Higgs Boson, if proven to exist, would be the mechanism by which all the chaotic particles in the beginnings of the universe would’ve finally managed to coagulate into something other than fiery destructive chaotic death. In short, old Higgy was the host of the orgy that spawned life, the universe, and everything.

The Sound of the Higgs Boson

All matter is made up of atoms, and atoms are made of electrons, neutrons, and protons. Peter Higgs hypothesized that all of these subatomic particles are made of one universal and uniform sub-subatomic particle which he humbly called the Higgs boson, a.k.a. the ‘God particle.’

The Large Hadron Collider is going to destroy everything again. Really this time.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111

It will tell us something about the fundamental particles of matter regardless of the outcome. For example, if they find the Higgs boson, it will confirm that theory and raise even deeper questions about physics which nobody can yet forsee. And if they don’t find it, then they’d have exchanged error for truth and have to go back to the drawing board with newer and better ideas, one of them having been falsified. The same goes for things like dark matter,dark energy, extra dimensions like suggested by string theory, and the possibility of a unified field theory.