Cross-posted at JesusLovesBags.com
You know what kills me? When people put up political talk on Facebook. Seriously, what makes you think I’m interested in your political views? Here’s a clue. I’m NOT. I don’t care if you’re the goddamned President of the Fucking Universe, I don’t want to hear about your politics on Facebook. Go hold a rally somewhere in he middle of central bumblefuck with all your glossy-eyed acolytes and get your rocks off.
But not on Facebook. (more…)
Douglas Rushkoff is best known for his work on media theory and influence on the cyberpunk subculture. So that he can write an insightful and gripping novel in what seems like such an effortless way should be depressing to writers who devote themselves solely to fiction.
Malcontents is a bug-crushing anthology of some of the greatest satire throughout history, put together by Joe Queenan. Colleges should build English literature courses around it. Then again, many of the authors would probably be up in arms for not calling it Irish literature.
Delicious!
I am almost, but not entirely, convinced that Mitt Romney may or may not have been, at some point, or currently is a secret baby eater. The presumptive Republican nominee for president, not as far as he knows but heretofore many have speculated, could’ve possibly been seen in the presence of cannibals. But there is overwhelming evidence that he could or could not possibly be secretly involved in a super secret society of baby cannibals.
On February 26, 2012, George Zimmerman shot and killed a young black man, by the name of Trayvon Martin, who was walking from a convenience store back to his father’s girlfriend’s house. Martin was unarmed. Zimmerman insists that he was acting in self defense. He has not been arrested or charged with a crime as of this writing. The initial police response did not immediately check if George Zimmerman was drunk or on drugs that night. Nor did they take him to the hospital to seek medical aid for him despite his later claims that Martin assaulted him. In this piece from Anderson Cooper, Anderson lays out some of the other missteps by the police. Mr. Zimmerman, who has not publicly spoken, has had his lawyer, friends and family put out his version of what occurred that evening. Here then is George Zimmerman’s story:
A Pro-Life Editorial
Unless you were cloned in a lab, a series of highly improbable events led to your birth. Millions of sperm rushed to fertilize an egg inside your mother’s body. Only one of those would lead to your birth. And against all odds, fetal development continued until you were born. Unlike most pregnancies, your’s wasn’t terminated by natural causes, resulting in what we call a miscarriage. Just being able to take those first few breaths of air after birth is an opportunity so unlikely that it makes winning the lottery seem plausible. Me, I appreciate having beaten those odds. I embrace being alive.
Others don’t. Or at least, they can’t. They can’t because they’re dead. Dead like Andrew Breitbart.
“We’ll talk later, my agent is on the other line for a role in a movie that hasn’t been made 135,000 times before.”
0-15:00 That guy from that French movie is in charge of a fantasy baseball team and he gets kicked out of the stadium for his “team” because it’s closed. Also, he’s drinking absinthe straight from the bottle and has puked over most of row D-23. After bailing him out, his buddy has an intervention and asks him if he wants to try managing his baseball team or something to help get his mind of drinking in empty stadiums by himself at night all the time. When he gets there he learns The Establishment of Baseball doesn’t care about whether or not the players can actually play baseball. They decide who gets on their team based solely on their blood types and astrological signs.
Brad Pitt shows his son how many prostitutes he murdered that night.
0-15:00 So there’s this conservative Christian family in the 50s or 60s and they found out their son just went and got a sex change operation. They have a neighborhood prayer meeting in the hopes she would go to Marcus Bachmann’s recovery center. Half a century later the other brother is all grown up and starts thinking about growing up with his brother / now sister. He gets all creeped out by it because he’s still a trans-phobic Christian asshole. So he drunk dials his dad and makes fun of his toupee.
”That one alone will get us a couple crates of glue!”
0-15:00 The movie opens with John Williams piloting a plane with his orchestra who he has kidnapped. The deal is that they have to keep playing that sappy music he likes so much or else he will crash the plane. You ever wondered how he managed to get so much soundtrack work? Now you know. So Williams is spying on this town which seems to exist only for the sake of a horse-driven economy. Most people’s lives revolve around buying and selling horses. No other commerce is permitted. One of these horses is called War Horse, and a family trains him to assassinate a member of Austrian royalty. War Horse is obviously a code name for Whitney Houston. The horse starts smoking rocks all day.
0-10:00 Johnny and Jane America have tagged along with Jane’s parents to Paris. They hate each other and are probably only engaged to spite each other. Jane meets up with some of her friends and they all go out of town together so they can throw rocks at Johnny while yelling homophobic slurs at him for being a sissy boy who enjoys France, rain, and other gay stuff like that.
Atheist Hobos 