Legitimate Rape = The Kind God Likes

Yesterday the Republican politician Richard Mourdock got real mad about them there uppity women wanting abortion rights and all. So he went on Facebook and wrote this:

Wingnuts Save the DNC From Nuking Itself

OK, I have finally returned from my weekish off where I took some time to listen to industrial music, read about theistic Satanism, and think about death. But now the folks at Before It’s News have deprived me of that sort of bliss by forcing me to write about their conspiracy theories about how Obammer tried to bomb the Democrats’ Convention but then AMERICA stopped him.

Stupid Republicans To Give Us All Their Money

Right Wing Watch has just been cold chillin’ at the Tea Party Unity Rally with a video camera, turning it on at random times to catch the totally insane stuff whoever happens to be speaking at the time bleats out. And now they caught some good news from the short wave ham radio operator Neal Boortz (Handle: Bald Eagle).

Gilbert, AZ Will Have None Of Your Commie Fluoridation

In the movie Dr. Strangelove, a high-ranking US military officer turns out to be a paranoid Bircher-type who believes in lots of conspiracy theories involving the Russians. The one he talks about the most is how the Russians were somehow forcing Americans to fluoridate their water, which then weakens their “precious bodily fluids,” which in turn makes them more susceptible to invasion. Or something. He acts in accordance with his beliefs and starts a pre-emptive war, which sets off a chain of events that ultimately leads (spoiler alert!) to the end of the world.

‘Sovereign Citizen’ Runs for Sheriff

A ‘Soverign Citizen’ named Frank Szabo is running for Sheriff of Hillsborough County, NH.

The Sovereign Citizen movement is this pseudo-legal phenomenon popular among militia types and Alex Jones fans. Basically they think that laws don’t apply to them and they come up with some amusing ways of justifying that stance.

Glenn Beck Will Restore David Barton, For America and Stuff

Last week the Christian book publisher Thomas Nelson recalled David Barton’s book on Thomas Jefferson because there was just too much bullshit in it for them. That is saying a lot coming from a company that publishes books on Young Earth Creationism and some child’s NDE. Barton responded predictably, by inventing conspiracy theories of politically motivated historians who are all out to destroy him and cover up the troof. So Glenn Beck is now swooping in as David Barton’s white knight / vanity publisher.

WND: Obama Gay Married Pakistani Dude, Because Gay Marriage is Legal in Pakistan

WorldNetDaily (pictured above) has another scoop, you guys! It turns out Obammerz is not only a Muslin terrorist atheist anti-Christ, but he’s also teh gheyz. A video that explains everything is after the jump.

Republican Candidate Runs Campaign From Jail

Hey, if Eugene Debs can run a Presidential campaign from a jail cell where he was serving a term for violating the (pretty clearly unconstitutional) Conscription Act, then surely Fred E. Ray Smith can run for the Oklahoma State Senate from his jail cell where he’s doing time for being a deadbeat dad who drives around with an open container of alcohol, right?

Of course he can! And since he’s a Republican and this is Oklahoma, he will almost definitely still win. The best part is how his campaign manager / fiancé responded:

Crazy Lady Discovers Why Everyone Else is Crazy Except Her

Noted racist cat lady Pamela Geller has a written a very powerful exposé on her blog called “The Right’s dirty little secret.” Without looking, since that would be cheating, can you guess what this secret is? Because we do not follow Sharia law here, I will make this a multiple-choice question. See the answer after the jump.

What is “The Right’s dirty little secret” that Pamela Geller totally busted wide open?

a.) They all really liked the third Godfather movie.
b.) Dick Cheney is secretly a woman.
c.) Some blogger told another blogger to stop talking shit about Muslins.
d.) All of the above.

Vox Day Will Rate Your Blackness

Theodore Beale is this blogger at WorldNetDaily. He sometimes goes by Vox Day, probably because his family would disown him if they knew about his racism and misogyny and anti-science extremism. He’s also buddies with John Derbyshire – remember that NRO writer who got fired for writing that racist screed about how he tells his kids to stay away from black kids? And then everyone was like, “Oh, he’s just doing some stupid faux-colorblind tongue-in-cheek thing about how black people are the real racists for telling their kids about racism,” and he was like, “Nah, dude, I’m serious here.” Yeah, they’re tight.